The lesson of broken streaks.

I hit 74 days. A streak of 74 days in the Bible app. And one day I didn’t get to open the app before 12AM… my streak went back to zero. Zero.

The disappointment my heart was filled with when I realized what happened was quite overwhelming. I hit a record streak. It felt good and right. It felt like I was doing well in my walk of faith overall. Each day was filled with the Word; if I couldn’t spent substantial amount of time reading and studying, I was using audio version in my spare minutes. I made sure my every day was filled with the Scripture…

Although… did I feel good about being in the Word or about myself doing so well for such a long time..?

The hard truth is I felt good about myself and my accomplishment. I felt like I was doing well. I realize that there were days I opened the app not even to immerse myself in the Word but to make sure the number went up again. I made this about me and how great I am at this.

But this is not about me. This is about knowing my Lord more, about learning things about Him and having my heart and mind transformed by Him, so that my love for God may grow.

This showed me once again how much of a performance-based Christian I am. I feel good about myself and my walk of faith if I do the right thing, when I am consistent with my devotions and prayer, and I feel like I’ve failed at Christianity when I don’t. It’s as if I try to earn God’s favor by doing well…

‘“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ” Ephesians 2:4… God loves and redeems me not because of what I do or not do, but because of His own character. He is rich in mercy. He has great love. And nothing that I, as his child, do can shift that. He is the one doing the work of salvation and sanctification and it does not depend on me.

I would like to finish with words of David Platt:

“…all who trust in Jesus, whether today for the first time, or for those of you who trusted in Jesus however many years ago, you have radically new rest from performance-based religion. Never forget how revolutionary this is. I think we miss this. I talk with so many Christians who feel so defeated, who feel like God is so upset with them all the time because they’re not measuring up in this way or that way. Do you ever feel like that? If that’s you, hear God’s Word to you today. God’s pleasure in you is not based on your performance for Him. God’s pleasure in you is based on Christ’s performance for you. Jesus has died on the cross to pay the price for all of your inability to measure up. If you are trusting in Jesus, you have radical rest in the love God has for you. God loves you, not because you are good enough, but because He is gracious enough! So rest in His grace.”

Discontentment can be good.

I think we all have faced discontentment in our life. Whether it is discontentment about the things we have, things we do, or just who we are. Someone else has a better job than you. Someone else is doing so well in school and you’ve failed yet another class. Someone else has a kind of friends group that you would want. You name it.

I have fought discontentment for a long time. And have come to realization that it isn’t always bad. It’s sometimes okay to not be satisfied with where you are.

What? You can’t be serious, Milyena. What about being happy with what you have and where you are?

It’s true that we ought to be content and fight for joy, reminding ourselves that where God placed us is where we need to be. Let me elaborate.

You meet someone who works in the same field you do. They are advanced in it, they are knowledgeable, proficient, and it looks like the job itself goes so much easier for them. You look at them and think, “I am not where this person is with my work and I want to be.” You start working more diligently, you learn various aspects of the job and you become a better professional.

You know someone in church who are the best kind of person. They love the Lord and are in the Word. They serve diligently and wholeheartedly. They truly love the people around them and create lasting friendships with others. You look at them and think, “I am not like that, but I want to be.” You start imitating them, striving to be a person who is as loving toward others. You start spending more time in the Word and with that person searching for what is it that makes this person so great. You want to be like them so you put effort to get there.

You read the Scripture and a passage pierces your heart. It describes something you have struggled for a while, but, if you are honest with yourself, you got used to it. You got used to failing and fighting your own self seems frightening because any change is. You are afraid you will fail so what’s the point of trying? And yet, you want out. You want to grow spiritually and know how to beat this in your life. You start searching for answers because where you are now is not good enough. You need it to get better. You take the necessary steps, get counseling, and do all that you can to work out your salvation.

I have learned that discontentment can serve as a motivator to put more effort into something than before. It can be a reminder that “good enough” is not always good enough. It can be better. I can be better.

I heard someone saying that while God accepts us the way we are, he never leaves us the way we are. So if there is someone or something that makes us feel dissatisfied with ourselves, maybe it’s a good thing. I think that if we are discontent about the good things, the heavenly things, it is not something to fight. If it makes us Christians who are always striving for holiness and perfecting everything we do, why not embrace it and do what is necessary to become those people?

We can trust that God redeems our discontentment and can use it for our good. My prayer is that he does so in me, first and foremost, and in you.

When new year adopts the last one

New year, new me! New year, new goals! New year, new…

Really, anything, if you want. New year is the time when we set new resolutions, when we are so excited to make that change we wanted to make. It is also the time to look back and see what have we accomplished last year or what has changed for us, whether it is finding a new job, starting studying in that field you were always interested in, graduating, getting married, having children, starting a business, moving to your dream place… it can be really anything.

But what if you are not one of those people? What if you prayed and/or worked so hard for something, but you didn’t see the results? I know I’ve been there and in some ways, still am.

“Remember this, had any other condition been better for you, Divine Love would have put you there.” – C.H. Spurgeon

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes…He is Divine Love, the One who has out best interest in heart because we are His saved, His elect, His beloved, His children, and His gifts are precious and are ultimately for our good, no matter if they bring us joy or sorrow….

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)

So what if the condition he puts me in is the one that brings sorrow to my heart? When Jeremiah wrote down these words, his life as he knew it was about to be crashed down. On the verge of being taken away to slavery, his city ruined, his nation brought down to its knees… How can anyone say that God’s plan is for good? But his Lord called him to trust His word, trust who He is.

I have to trust that whatever condition I am put in is the best one for me right now. I need to believe that just like drastic change was for Jeremiah’s good, change wouldn’t be beneficial to me as of this moment. God knows me and my circumstances better than I do. His goodness never changes. After all He is Divine Love.

So, I face this new year praying for lack of discouragement, lots of optimism, standing assured that my God has given me what is best for me so far. I will take the stand of “godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6) and continue to wrestle with my own flesh, come daily to the throne of grace, and rejoice in the fact that my name is written in heaven (Luke 10:20).

Don’t give up on resolutions

Have you ever made a resolution? I have. I resolved to read my Bible every single day; to read 2-3 books a month; to not watch that show that wasn’t good for me; to not procrastinate; to be more thoughtful of others; to start a prayer journal; to keep up with my prayer journal….

And guess what, I’ve gone through the same cycle every time. It looks about like this:

1. I am excited to make this change. I go and delete that show from my queue on Netflix, I pick up couple of extra books to read, and start that prayer journal.
2. I keep it up for about a week and I am happy to see how well it goes so far.
3. I do exactly what I said I wouldn’t or I don’t do what I thought I would. I feel guilty.
4. I repeat the same. I feel more guilty. (can you relate?)

And then there are two options: to give up or to keep fighting. But what could help in the fight; to keep going, when you keep failing?

1. Evaluate your reasons. Are you doing this just to be able to say “I did it”? Are you looking for a satisfactory feeling at the end of the game? Our resolutions and goals should have one purpose: knowing Jesus, satisfying our souls in Him. Pray for God to fire up your heart for Himself, so that you find Him sweeter than anything that might stand in the way of your enjoyment of Him. (Philippians 3:8)
2. Recognize your own weakness. I cannot stress this enough: YOU CANNOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN. You’re simply incapable of that. Our hearts are corrupted, they don’t desire good naturally (Romans 3:10; Matthew 15:19). Therefore, you need the work of the Holy Spirit in this. Only God can change your heart to desire good, to desire sanctification in Him.
3. Remember that God is on your side. The Lord loves you and will not lead you into temptation (James 1:13). On the contrary, His desire is for you and his allegiance is for you, if you are his child (Romans 8:15-16; 1 John 3:1). What loving father will not stand by his child’s side and lovingly, with grace, pick his son up, when he has fallen?
4. Persevere as you rest in grace. Remember that your salvation does not depend on your merits. You simply cannot earn it or keep it by good works. Your salvation is secured in Jesus’ sacrifice alone. (Romans 8:2-4; Ephesians 2:8-9) Find your rest in that, as you cling to this truth. And persevere because those who run the race will obtain the prize (1 Corinthians 9:24). Draw motivation and strength from the Word of God daily, because his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).
5. Seek accountability. This is a tough one. It requires opening up to someone and confessing to them about your ups and downs as you work toward your goal. But no matter how scary it might seem, you simply cannot run this race on your own. Accountability of a friend helps to keep us in check. It also shows us the grace of God when we confess to other believers, as they show grace to us.

Don’t give up, friend. The good fight is worth it. Rest in the grace of God and run the race.

Finding joy in mediocrity

I consider myself mediocre.

I can write, but I am an amateur in the world of writing. I can sing, but there are definitely those more qualified than me. I can teach, but I wouldn’t say I have the extraordinary gift of teaching. I am fairly intelligent, but I am nowhere near genius or brilliant. I am skilled at piano playing, but there is always someone better than me.

If you do something, the result should be the best that it can be, right? If you take on work, then it should lead you to success and promotion, no? But what if being average is all that I am called for? What if I am not called to stand out? What if whatever I do is meant to be hidden in the shadows of others’ who will take the spotlight? What if I will never have that big break and discover my potential that will put me upfront?

Having all these thoughts flood my head, I want to know what does Scripture say about mediocrity? And what am I supposed to do with it?

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24)

‘…rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man” (Ephesians 6:7)

When Paul talks about ministry, he makes a point about being faithful and diligent with it. Not to settle for “good enough”, but to strive to do our best for the glory of God and service to gospel community. I am to serve others, being faithful in however little or much I am given, not to make myself known.

Paul Tripp says, “If you forget who you are, your ministry will be shaped by a smugness that is more about displaying how great you are, rather than how glorious is the Savior who still meets you in your weakness.”(“God’s Glory, Our Excellence”, thegospelcoaligion.org).

So, who am I? I am a sinner, undeserving God’s love and grace. Someone who is created to  bring her Creator and Savior praise and spread his gospel, saying “He must increase, but I must decrease.”(John 3:30).

And another reminder from Tony Reinke: “Our joy is not rooted in our successes, and it’s not extinguished by our failures. Our joy is rooted in the unalterable fact that in Christ our names are written on heaven’s roll-call.” (Why Rooting Joy in Ministry Success Is Disastrous”, desiringgod.org)

Taking all of that in, I learn that mediocrity is not something to settle for, but neither is it something to be ashamed of. It serves as a reminder that it is not about me. My ministry is not about how amazing of a musician/writer/teacher I am, but it is about being faithful in doing the work I have been called to.  So I pray to find my joy not in my success, but in God’s grace to me and His salvation.