The lesson of broken streaks.

I hit 74 days. A streak of 74 days in the Bible app. And one day I didn’t get to open the app before 12AM… my streak went back to zero. Zero.

The disappointment my heart was filled with when I realized what happened was quite overwhelming. I hit a record streak. It felt good and right. It felt like I was doing well in my walk of faith overall. Each day was filled with the Word; if I couldn’t spent substantial amount of time reading and studying, I was using audio version in my spare minutes. I made sure my every day was filled with the Scripture…

Although… did I feel good about being in the Word or about myself doing so well for such a long time..?

The hard truth is I felt good about myself and my accomplishment. I felt like I was doing well. I realize that there were days I opened the app not even to immerse myself in the Word but to make sure the number went up again. I made this about me and how great I am at this.

But this is not about me. This is about knowing my Lord more, about learning things about Him and having my heart and mind transformed by Him, so that my love for God may grow.

This showed me once again how much of a performance-based Christian I am. I feel good about myself and my walk of faith if I do the right thing, when I am consistent with my devotions and prayer, and I feel like I’ve failed at Christianity when I don’t. It’s as if I try to earn God’s favor by doing well…

‘“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ” Ephesians 2:4… God loves and redeems me not because of what I do or not do, but because of His own character. He is rich in mercy. He has great love. And nothing that I, as his child, do can shift that. He is the one doing the work of salvation and sanctification and it does not depend on me.

I would like to finish with words of David Platt:

“…all who trust in Jesus, whether today for the first time, or for those of you who trusted in Jesus however many years ago, you have radically new rest from performance-based religion. Never forget how revolutionary this is. I think we miss this. I talk with so many Christians who feel so defeated, who feel like God is so upset with them all the time because they’re not measuring up in this way or that way. Do you ever feel like that? If that’s you, hear God’s Word to you today. God’s pleasure in you is not based on your performance for Him. God’s pleasure in you is based on Christ’s performance for you. Jesus has died on the cross to pay the price for all of your inability to measure up. If you are trusting in Jesus, you have radical rest in the love God has for you. God loves you, not because you are good enough, but because He is gracious enough! So rest in His grace.”

Discontentment can be good.

I think we all have faced discontentment in our life. Whether it is discontentment about the things we have, things we do, or just who we are. Someone else has a better job than you. Someone else is doing so well in school and you’ve failed yet another class. Someone else has a kind of friends group that you would want. You name it.

I have fought discontentment for a long time. And have come to realization that it isn’t always bad. It’s sometimes okay to not be satisfied with where you are.

What? You can’t be serious, Milyena. What about being happy with what you have and where you are?

It’s true that we ought to be content and fight for joy, reminding ourselves that where God placed us is where we need to be. Let me elaborate.

You meet someone who works in the same field you do. They are advanced in it, they are knowledgeable, proficient, and it looks like the job itself goes so much easier for them. You look at them and think, “I am not where this person is with my work and I want to be.” You start working more diligently, you learn various aspects of the job and you become a better professional.

You know someone in church who are the best kind of person. They love the Lord and are in the Word. They serve diligently and wholeheartedly. They truly love the people around them and create lasting friendships with others. You look at them and think, “I am not like that, but I want to be.” You start imitating them, striving to be a person who is as loving toward others. You start spending more time in the Word and with that person searching for what is it that makes this person so great. You want to be like them so you put effort to get there.

You read the Scripture and a passage pierces your heart. It describes something you have struggled for a while, but, if you are honest with yourself, you got used to it. You got used to failing and fighting your own self seems frightening because any change is. You are afraid you will fail so what’s the point of trying? And yet, you want out. You want to grow spiritually and know how to beat this in your life. You start searching for answers because where you are now is not good enough. You need it to get better. You take the necessary steps, get counseling, and do all that you can to work out your salvation.

I have learned that discontentment can serve as a motivator to put more effort into something than before. It can be a reminder that “good enough” is not always good enough. It can be better. I can be better.

I heard someone saying that while God accepts us the way we are, he never leaves us the way we are. So if there is someone or something that makes us feel dissatisfied with ourselves, maybe it’s a good thing. I think that if we are discontent about the good things, the heavenly things, it is not something to fight. If it makes us Christians who are always striving for holiness and perfecting everything we do, why not embrace it and do what is necessary to become those people?

We can trust that God redeems our discontentment and can use it for our good. My prayer is that he does so in me, first and foremost, and in you.